Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Trying To Make Amends

Hello All,

As you all may know, I have been going through some real life changes for the last couple of months. Although the road is long and I am far from cured, I'm am making progress. I am learning very hard lessons and I am learning about myself and the true meaning of friendship. I know that some people that I hurt will never be able to forgive me, don't feel alone, I have a hard time forgiving myself. Believe me, I am harder on myself than anyone else could be. I am learning who the real Isaac is. A liar, thief, crackhead, thug, manipulator, etc. Those are just a few of the titles that have been placed on me. I believed them too! I had to really look at that for some time and I realized that is not who the real Isaac is. I will not accept that, not today or ever. Those title befit the monster that is released when I pick up drugs or alcohol, but not the true Isaac. I have learned that I am not responsible for my addiction, but i am responsible for my recovery. I wish I didn't have to come down this road in the manner in which i did. I can't take it back and if I were able to, where would I be today? I surely wouldn't have 51 days clean today and know I wouldn't put all my trust in God to help me through this all. I miss all the people and life that was given to me. I miss running with friends and I miss the love I received everyday. Do I want it back? Well... let me put it this way; if I were trying to get everything that I lost back, I would be selling myself short! I will do my best to make amends, after I first get myself together. I am somebody!!! I believe in me the way so many of you have believed in me. I'm not that good at it, but I'm trying everyday. I will keep everyone updated. This is by no means the cure for the pain I caused, but it is a start. It's a start for me. You all can take as much time as you need. Know this, I am truly sorry to you all.