Tuesday, February 24, 2009

What If...

To live with the conscious knowledge of the shadow of uncertainty, with the knowledge that disaster or tragedy could strike at any time; to be afraid and to know and acknowledge your fear, and still to live creatively and with unstinting love: that is to live with grace. -Peter Henry Abrahams

What if my life had gone in a different direction? Would I be in the position that I am in now? Would I have all the great friends and support I brag about? Who knows. what I do know is that I couldn't and wouldn't change how I got to where I am. Sounds weird I know, nut think of it this way... if I hadn't gone through what I did I could not have goten to where I am. I struggle everyday with my addiction and the troubles that presents itself. What I've been told is that I have to start focusing on myself and all the positive things that has happened. Like the fact that I am going to run a half marathon in 18 days! I'm training for a marathon in May!!! Now how many people can say that? I'll tell you, 2% of the entire world!!!! That is amazing. Do I have my down moments? Yes. I suffer from depression and it will always be around, I just have to find out how to deal with it in a productive way.

So, on to what I plan on for the rest of my week. I have 17 days clean today!! Thats big for me after 17+ years of denial. I will continue to go to meetings and take all your advice. I am looking to be moving soon enough. Sometimes I don't feel like it will get here fast enough, but I am trying to handle this. I need to get in more running I guess. It's funny, before I would want to drink and now I want to run! One ad habit for a good one...lol I haven't updated my music. I need some suggestions. You can hear the music I enjoy and I am always up for new music. So your assignment for the next couple of days is to help me select some music for the blog.

I know I have said this before but, I really appriciate all of you for following. Without you alll I would have no job!...lol No really, I enjoy your company if only for a little while. Until next time....Peace and Love.


Saturday, February 21, 2009

Wacky Week

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

I can say this from the start...I have missed you!!1 And I really mean it. As you know this is a big help for me to talk to you all. That's why this week has been rough but not rough enough to have a drink! Today marks 14 days without finding a reason to drink. A big part of that comes from a few very special people in my life who I wold like t mention. Peter, CJ, Ed, and all the great staff at Shooters! You all made me feel like I was very important. You treated me with such kindness and opened my eyes to the great things that are in this world. You may think it was nothing, but for me it was the world! I still haven't come down off this wonderful high!! It sure beats drugs and booze..lol The Others I want to thank for keeping me busy is Anne and everyone at BOMF. Without you guys I would have time to do other things that could and most likely would have block these blessings that I am receiving. I am so very thankful for this job.

I was talking to family back in Ohio and I was telling them that I was going on a business trip to shot a commercial and they were floored!! Then they would call and I'll say that I at the office...lol The last time I told someone I was going to the office was when was in high school and it wasn't going to be good!...lol Talk about them being floored, it is so very funny that I can say that. I have always dreamed that I would be able someday to say it and here I am... Life is so very good.

Today I ran the Frost Bite 5-Miler with all my friends. It was a blast once we got there! We were running late so we had to run to the start line and then run...lol It was fun though. I was happy to finish! That last hill was killing me. I think I need to start hill training if I am to post a good time at Caesar. I know...just finish! As you know I'm hard headed! My plans this weekend is to just relax some. Lets see how longs that lasts Anne...lol By The way, Thank you Jonathan for the tickets. I really enjoyed the game. I look forward to a great week ahead. I almost forgot!!! I'm giving you all a heads up...SHHH Don't tell Anne...lol THE NEW SPRING SHIRTS ARE HERE!!! That's right, new hot colors and styles. So To get them while they are still in stock, email or call me with your order or more info and I will get them out to you as fast as you can say Back On My Feet!! As an added bonus, if you buy two you get 5 bucks off!!! What better way to support BOMF than by purchasing a shirt from me? I can think of a better or easier way. Until next time...Peace and Love

Monday, February 16, 2009

Don't aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.
David Frost

Welcome back for another walk in my mind. You know this week has been filled with ups and downs. I'm working on putting the downs behind me and embracing my achievements. The biggest accomplishment was I stayed sober! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a walk in the park, but I made adjustments and made it through. Today marks 8 days without finding a reason to have a drink. On a very personal note, I have been thinking ( I think a lot!) about you. All of you and what it is that makes me comfortable with sharing with you my inner thoughts. I think the main reason is that I am very comfortable with all of you. Another reason, and this is big, is because I get great feedback and this is also very therapeutic for me. I has a strong conviction that this is my calling. I have looked for my purpose in life for years to no avail. Now I have found something that feels so comfortable and right that I have to roll with it. It is my hope that you all get something from my blabbing...lol!

After my meltdown last week I was suspended from the team for a week. As you can imagine, it was very hard for me to not be able to run with my team and family. I was also under the weather ( I think it had something to do with me not being able to run). Yesterday was the first time that I got a chance to get back out there and stretch my legs, and boy did I!!! I set off to do 10 miles with Anne but she wasn't feeling well. So I had to run by myself. That was only the second time running alone so it was nice when I saw a friend, Larry, on my trek back. Although it was lonely out there, I felt great and wanted to push myself since I tend to slack off if no one is out there. So I start off for the "loop". That is a 8.5 mile loop around Kelly Drive and East Falls Road. It is a mile and a half from OBP. So after I do the loop and get back to OBP, I felt I had more in my tank. I thought to myself, "Do I have a half marathon in me?" Only one way to find out right? So I run the timed mile route we run every two weeks, Twice!!! 13.5 miles in a time of 1:51:01!! I felt GREAT!! I was like a caged animal being set free!! WOW It was wonderful. So then I get up this morning at 5am to be back out there with my friends and team. I was going to run 6 miles, and I really wanted to, but my legs had a different route planned out for me...lol Let me tell you, My legs are pretty sore. Goes to show you, I am not the smartest runner out there. Am I mad? Heck no!! It makes me smile that I am sore and I went out there and ran my longest distance. And I did it with all of you. That was one of the things that kept me going. I kept hearing the encouragement and when I was crossing my imaginary finish line, you were all there cheering me to a strong finish! Crazy? maybe alittle bit, but I'll take this crazy any day. Last thing. I will be in Baltimore to visit my friends there ( John, Jackie, Vanessa, etc.)

I look forward to meeting everyone one day. I enjoy the comments and all the input I get. I want you all to keep being such positive people in my life and I'm sure countless others. So in closing I would like to just say, I am doing what it is I love to do and I couldn't ask for more. Thank You all for making this dream of mine come true. Anne You are my angel and I thank God for placing you in my life. I wish there were was more I could do to show my appreciation. You ever want a pony when you were a little girl? I'll just have to start a "Get Anne a Pony Drive"...LOL
Until next time, your always on my mind!!


Thursday, February 12, 2009

Winners Never Quit - Quitters Never Win!

To solve a problem or to reach a goal, you don’t need to know all the answers in advance. But you must have a clear idea of the problem or the goal you want to reach.

After such a rough week, it's time to have some cheer around this place! I feel rejuvenated and ready to tackle life. I didn't think that this was possible because I kept blocking my blessings. Hell I should have been a goalie!...lol Now I want to just get back in the saddle and ride this wave called life. I know the countdown clock has my next race in a month. I have the famous "Frost Bite Five-Miler" next weekend!! Also should be exciting. AND THEN...All my concentration will be on tackling my first half marathon!! I look forward to seeing and talking to all of my new friends there. I also look forward to running with a few of you, if you can keep up!!!...lol Just kidding, I just want to finish strong.

That's my goal. I funny to say that. "My Goal"! The only goals I've had in the past was to get high everyday. Pretty lofty goal huh? Well that's one of the things that I have learned since becoming a member of Back On My Feet. Not saying that I didn't know how to set goals before, just didn't know how to set, keep, and work towards them. Goals are really important if you really want more out of life, even if it's something small. The great part about it is when you finally reach a goal, WOW!! You really feel empowered to do more. See it, Believe it, Then Achieve it!!! I have other goals and I set some every two weeks. In closing I just want to acknowledge someone who has made me feel like anything is possible if I try hard enough. That no matter what obstacles may come, I am strong enough to over come them. This person has made me feel loved and special. They have been unselfish, honest, and challenges me to my limit. That person is YOU. All of you!! You have all given me a piece of the puzzle that I needed. Your like a Rolex watch, you are all very intricate and vital pieces that work together to make it all work. Unlike a Rolex though, your all PRICELESS!!! Peace and Love.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Step In A New Direction

"Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better." - King Whitney Jr.

The first step into the unknown is always the hardest. Now that I have that behind me, where do I go from here. For me just writing is a very good outlet. Getting my thoughts on paper or on this blog helps tremendously. Knowing that I don't have to hide anymore is a great relief. Believe me, hiding this was hard work! Getting back on track will probably be even harder. I have my running and I still look forward to racing soon, and now I've found out that I don't have to do it alone.

I have been a runner for most of my life. The running I did didn't have to do with the running I so thoroughly enjoy now. I ran from my problems. I know I can't and don't want to do that anymore. I have been going to meetings everyday. Will they end all my worries? Unlikely. The thing is, it is something different and different is good. Much like my running, I want to improve my times, my strength, and my distance. With recovery I want to improve my life. I want to be sober when I experience all of the blessing being bestowed upon me. Speaking of which. I just got an email from someone to do a commercial...lol I'll let you know more later.

Stay tuned. Ask me about Official BOMF merchandise, The 2nd annual 20in24, and the Wear your sneakers to work day. It a very exciting year at Back On My Feet.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Grant Me The Serenity...

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. Alan Cohen

I have had difficult times in my life. Some harder than others but none as hard as this. I have been in denial for some time now and this past weekend I got a dose of hard reality. I'M AN ALCOHOLIC! I had to get that out because if I am to move my life forward I have to be honest with myself and with you. Ive told myself that I can drink just like anyone else. A lie. That its just on the weekends. Another lie. That as long as I keep it from everyone I'll be fine. The biggest lie of all! Throughout my life I have screwed up many opportunities and I blamed everything else. I can't do that anymore. I have to take responsibility for my actions and poor decisions. Do I want better for me? Yes I do. So how do I do it? I don't know. If I knew I wouldn't be here asking. I'm scared. Scared that I will mess up another opportunity to better myself. I have so many people in my corner backing me and what do I do? I let them down. Let them down like I let my kids down, my family, my friends, my self. AHHHHHHHHHH. Why do I have to go through this? I am an alcoholic. Plain and simple. what do I do? I'm lost here. It is so difficult for me to handle this situation. It is time to stop defending my disease and start defending my life.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Can't Hold Back!!!

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired...You've always got to make the mind take over and keep going." - George S. Patton, U.S. Army General and 1912 Olympian

Who's that handsome guy? Well I could use a shave and maybe some Just For Men...lol!!! Wow it's that time again. Time to welcome you to my thoughts for the week. Well if your on my email list, you would know that yesterday I became an official Pennsylvanian (Thanks for the correction Laura). So there's no turning back now. Not that I would want to. I am headed in a new direction and turning my back on that would be senseless.

My training is going so so. It's crazy because I think I picked the wrong races to enter! Another run was cancelled : ( No worries though, I will be making it up at 5:15am!!! ) Talk about crazy..lol. I guess I got the bug, huh? This is all really fun for me. Who every said it would be a cake walk? If there is something that you really want you have to first show some dedication, right? Throw in some determination and a touch of crazy, what do you get? I know what I get... I get to run in my first Half Marathon!!! How many people can say that? I look forward to meeting some of you if your planning on coming out to support me and 18 others on my team who are training to run the Half. Isn't that great!?! These are guys who some never ran before! I want to hear how some of you felt after running a half marathon. I want to know if you were feeling really anxious like I am.

My mind is not near tired!! I guess my body better keep up!! Let me share something with you all. I know the Caesar Rodney course is pretty hilly. I have been mentally preparing for that. I've been doing my research and picking the brains of those who have run it. I know that the finish line is all up hill. That's the one I want!!! I've had all sorts of suggestions on how to conquer it. From naming it after someone I don't like to saving up for it. Well there aren't any people that I despise like that and I plan on leaving everything out on the course. So, I'm going to look at it as the barrier between me and my future!! I'M GOING TO GIVE THAT HILL HELL!!! LOL...I'm pumped just thinking about it. I would love for you all to be there to witness this. In fact, you all are my fuel, my GOO, and my inspiration!!

This a step in a new direction. I have a new purpose, a renewed strength, and support from some of the most amazing people ever. when I say "Run With Me", I mean it. If not on my morning runs, become a fund-racer for BOMF to give others a chance to receive this gift. Buy a shirt to show your support. Sign up for the 20in24!!! This is the most unique race around.How ever you decide to help, do it because you feel good doing it. With that I will say...Thanks for listening.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Who Moved My Cheese?

"To love what you do and feel that it matters - how could anything be more fun?"
Catherine Graham

Welcome to yet another week here in my mind!! This baby is only a week old and I have had a huge response from you all!!! You answered one of the questions I had in my mind when I started this... Will people follow? listen? Will this help anyone, me included? Well the answer to those questions is a resounding YES!! You are great. I never intended to do anything like this, in fact this is the first time on anything like Facebook or Myspace, you know the whole Blog thing. Now that I have met so many wonderful people, people who are trying to move their lives in a different path like myself, I can't see myself letting you down. That brings me to whats been going on in my life since we last met.

No one said that this would be easy. As you all know, I am training to run in my first Half Marathon on March 15th. This is a very important race for me because I can really see what I'm made of. Plus, its just the first of many (barring injury). I am really dedicated to finishing and finishing hard! Well mother nature has been throwing monkey wrenches in my training. I feel like something is missing from my day when I don't get a run in. Do you feel like that? HAHA I guess I'm a runner...lol I ran my second longest distance on Saturday. I like to see how much pain I can endure for a long period ( someone has told me that thats all a marathon is ), so during that run I wanted to push myself some. Wylie tells me that if I have something left, let it all hang out!! That's what I did and my legs are still tender...lol See if I listen to you again :) The main reason I felt that way was because someone "moved my cheese". So do I sit around and wait for it to come back? No. I went out to find more. "Grant Me The Serenity..." The issue was solved before I got to school. I just felt good to release that frustration. LOL...I hope I'm mad before the Half!!!
So this week I am going to be doing some work around the BOMF office. I'll take a few pictures to share with you. Once its done it will look really nice. Your all welcome to come check it out!! Just call ahead because I don't want to be the guy who made the BOMF office a tourist attraction, OR DO I? HMMM Well more running and more work to do this week. I invite you all to come out and run with me and encourage you all to join the team. If you can't run, buy a shirt to show your Back On My Feet Pride!! As the quote says... How can anything be more fun? I look forward to talking to you all soon and keep the comments coming. Peace and Love