Monday, February 9, 2009

Grant Me The Serenity...

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. Alan Cohen

I have had difficult times in my life. Some harder than others but none as hard as this. I have been in denial for some time now and this past weekend I got a dose of hard reality. I'M AN ALCOHOLIC! I had to get that out because if I am to move my life forward I have to be honest with myself and with you. Ive told myself that I can drink just like anyone else. A lie. That its just on the weekends. Another lie. That as long as I keep it from everyone I'll be fine. The biggest lie of all! Throughout my life I have screwed up many opportunities and I blamed everything else. I can't do that anymore. I have to take responsibility for my actions and poor decisions. Do I want better for me? Yes I do. So how do I do it? I don't know. If I knew I wouldn't be here asking. I'm scared. Scared that I will mess up another opportunity to better myself. I have so many people in my corner backing me and what do I do? I let them down. Let them down like I let my kids down, my family, my friends, my self. AHHHHHHHHHH. Why do I have to go through this? I am an alcoholic. Plain and simple. what do I do? I'm lost here. It is so difficult for me to handle this situation. It is time to stop defending my disease and start defending my life.


Andrew Marr said...


I can't tell you how proud i am of you for sharing this with YOUR community. I shared the same feelings as you 8 years ago when i was searching for my "normality" that time i didn't have a plan, i was confused but i will tell you this - being honest with yourself and others is the most important step in finding YOU and managing your internal challenges.

You have a huge number of people supporting you Isaac - USE THEM.

Love you man

Denise said...

Thanks for sharing and while I'm not an expert on the subject, I'm postive that you just took a step in the right direction. The direction of getting better!

There is help out there and I'd be more than willing to do some research with you to find the right resources. Email me if you'd like me to help out.

Congrats for being so brave. You have already made so many big changes, you can do this too!

debm said...

Keep writing...keep running...keep believing...and always remember that you are divine!

On a musical note (sorry for the pun)...I love the music you post...I'm thinking you might also like Phil Roy's The Great Longing and anything by Michael Franti.

Keep the faith!

Anne Mahlum said...

Isaac - you and I have talked for awhile about this in the past few days and I'm so incredibly proud of you for being honest with who you are - and there is no shame in that. Spending your life lying to yourselves and others is exhausting. As you know, I am a recovering with my own issue with anorexia and bulimia and my quality life is night and day because I was finally able to admit I had a problem. I am here for you every step of the way. I love you, Mr. Isaac Lincoln Sr. and I'm going to be here through the good times and the hard get used to it.

Johnny_G said...

Isaac - Wow! - Honesty, Open-Mindedness and Willingness to Change...That's what I read in your post. Welcome to the world of Recovery and a new way of thinking and living. Consider an AA meeting. All you have to do there is share what you have already shared in this forum and you will be welcomed with love, respect and admiration. Remember, you are not a bad person trying to be good...You are a sick person who wants to get well! I am sure Anne and the team at BOF can lead you to local meetings. Congrats man! You continue to be an inspiration to me!