Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Trying To Make Amends

Hello All,

As you all may know, I have been going through some real life changes for the last couple of months. Although the road is long and I am far from cured, I'm am making progress. I am learning very hard lessons and I am learning about myself and the true meaning of friendship. I know that some people that I hurt will never be able to forgive me, don't feel alone, I have a hard time forgiving myself. Believe me, I am harder on myself than anyone else could be. I am learning who the real Isaac is. A liar, thief, crackhead, thug, manipulator, etc. Those are just a few of the titles that have been placed on me. I believed them too! I had to really look at that for some time and I realized that is not who the real Isaac is. I will not accept that, not today or ever. Those title befit the monster that is released when I pick up drugs or alcohol, but not the true Isaac. I have learned that I am not responsible for my addiction, but i am responsible for my recovery. I wish I didn't have to come down this road in the manner in which i did. I can't take it back and if I were able to, where would I be today? I surely wouldn't have 51 days clean today and know I wouldn't put all my trust in God to help me through this all. I miss all the people and life that was given to me. I miss running with friends and I miss the love I received everyday. Do I want it back? Well... let me put it this way; if I were trying to get everything that I lost back, I would be selling myself short! I will do my best to make amends, after I first get myself together. I am somebody!!! I believe in me the way so many of you have believed in me. I'm not that good at it, but I'm trying everyday. I will keep everyone updated. This is by no means the cure for the pain I caused, but it is a start. It's a start for me. You all can take as much time as you need. Know this, I am truly sorry to you all.



johnwaire | photo said...

good to hear isaac. i have no doubt that you will find your way.

Denise said...

It's good to hear from you!! I hope you're doing well.

I hope the people in your life forgive you because no one is perfect. it's all about forgiveness.

Johnny_G said...

51 days? Outstanding! Thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope. It really makes my day to come on here and see your words of wisdom.

Anonymous said...

I keep you in my thoughts and am glad to see an update on how you are doing. Be very proud of what you have accomplished and take it one day at a time.