"He that can't endure the bad will not live to see the good." -Anonymous
Hello friends! Well some time has passed since we've last chatted and I have truly missed you all. I suppose I should first start by saying that I am blessed to have the support, encouragement, and well wishing by my true friends. I have been through alot since March, but nothing as bad as the last 20 years of my life. For the first time in my adult life I have a freedom from active addiction. I have 178 days clean today and that is also a personal best. This may not sound like much to the average person, but for someone who was enslaved by drugs and alcohol for most of their life, it is paramount! I am very proud of myself and I will continue to move forward knowing that this race is far from over. I still need to focus on staying clean. Life has showed up and I am learning to deal with it in a positive and constructive way. I am not trying to do it on my own either. I have the support of a few good friends who help me to stay on the right track. One of those people I'm truly blessed to have in my life. She has show me the there is a life for me and if I want more, I have to try harder. She doesn't let me slack up. She is my best friend and I am truly honored and proud to have you in my life. Thank You RS! OLIVE JUICE...LOL
So what else am I up to? Well I have been pounding the pavement looking for work now. I have to move my life forward and I can't do that without work. It is hard and the job market is slow, but I know opportunities will arise soon. I have always liked helping others and I would love to do that. To tell the truth, I don't care what comes my way. I have also come to a point in my recovery where I need to start making amends to the people I have hurt along the way. This is a really difficult area for me. Not that I don't want to, it's the fact that it is hard for me to face some people. I will just pray and walk with my higher power. I cannot go around it or under it, I have to face it head on.
Sitting here writing now has given me strength to conquer any problem that comes up. I really wish I could have harnessed the courage and strength to fight 6 months ago, but I believe I had to go through this to be stronger and appreciate life and the value of friendship. I will close this by saying... I am truly sorry for adding any extra burden, pain, distrust and loss of hope in your life. I will be posting quite often to keep you updated. Until then...Peace and Love
Isaac
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Trying To Make Amends
Hello All,
As you all may know, I have been going through some real life changes for the last couple of months. Although the road is long and I am far from cured, I'm am making progress. I am learning very hard lessons and I am learning about myself and the true meaning of friendship. I know that some people that I hurt will never be able to forgive me, don't feel alone, I have a hard time forgiving myself. Believe me, I am harder on myself than anyone else could be. I am learning who the real Isaac is. A liar, thief, crackhead, thug, manipulator, etc. Those are just a few of the titles that have been placed on me. I believed them too! I had to really look at that for some time and I realized that is not who the real Isaac is. I will not accept that, not today or ever. Those title befit the monster that is released when I pick up drugs or alcohol, but not the true Isaac. I have learned that I am not responsible for my addiction, but i am responsible for my recovery. I wish I didn't have to come down this road in the manner in which i did. I can't take it back and if I were able to, where would I be today? I surely wouldn't have 51 days clean today and know I wouldn't put all my trust in God to help me through this all. I miss all the people and life that was given to me. I miss running with friends and I miss the love I received everyday. Do I want it back? Well... let me put it this way; if I were trying to get everything that I lost back, I would be selling myself short! I will do my best to make amends, after I first get myself together. I am somebody!!! I believe in me the way so many of you have believed in me. I'm not that good at it, but I'm trying everyday. I will keep everyone updated. This is by no means the cure for the pain I caused, but it is a start. It's a start for me. You all can take as much time as you need. Know this, I am truly sorry to you all.
Isaac
elder_isaac@yahoo.com
As you all may know, I have been going through some real life changes for the last couple of months. Although the road is long and I am far from cured, I'm am making progress. I am learning very hard lessons and I am learning about myself and the true meaning of friendship. I know that some people that I hurt will never be able to forgive me, don't feel alone, I have a hard time forgiving myself. Believe me, I am harder on myself than anyone else could be. I am learning who the real Isaac is. A liar, thief, crackhead, thug, manipulator, etc. Those are just a few of the titles that have been placed on me. I believed them too! I had to really look at that for some time and I realized that is not who the real Isaac is. I will not accept that, not today or ever. Those title befit the monster that is released when I pick up drugs or alcohol, but not the true Isaac. I have learned that I am not responsible for my addiction, but i am responsible for my recovery. I wish I didn't have to come down this road in the manner in which i did. I can't take it back and if I were able to, where would I be today? I surely wouldn't have 51 days clean today and know I wouldn't put all my trust in God to help me through this all. I miss all the people and life that was given to me. I miss running with friends and I miss the love I received everyday. Do I want it back? Well... let me put it this way; if I were trying to get everything that I lost back, I would be selling myself short! I will do my best to make amends, after I first get myself together. I am somebody!!! I believe in me the way so many of you have believed in me. I'm not that good at it, but I'm trying everyday. I will keep everyone updated. This is by no means the cure for the pain I caused, but it is a start. It's a start for me. You all can take as much time as you need. Know this, I am truly sorry to you all.
Isaac
elder_isaac@yahoo.com
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