I have had a lot of time to reflect on my actions. I am shamed and lost to how I can recover from this. One thing that has help, and something I should have used before, is you all. I wont sit here and pretend that things are back to normal, it is far from it. What I will say is this... I love running and I love the feelings I was getting from this whole experience. I want so bad to have that feeling back. I have hurt so many of my friends and I want to somehow correct the errs of my past. I dont know what the future has for me but I do have a deep desire to use the gift that God gave me in a positve way. I have to be honest with myself and I have to figure out how to forgive myself. I dont want to end it like this. I just need to figure out what makes me tick. I love you all and keep the comments and emails coming. Thank you all for everything.
Love,
Isaac
elder_isaac@yahoo.com
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3 comments:
prove you can do it...to yourself. that's where everything starts and ultimately ends.
you can run. no one is stopping you...but you. put on those shoes and hit the pavement.
be well. DO IT. make your actions speak isaac.
I'm so glad you posted again, I've been wondering how you're doing.
It's not too late to make it better and to fix the relationships that are hurt. You SO have this in you.
You need to be there for 20in24 so I have a reason to keep going and reach my 50 miles!
Ceasar Rodney is over...I can't wait til I see the count-down to your next race!
For me, I put a training schedule on my mirror. I have to see it when I wake up in the morning. I see the number of miles I have to do that day...I then highlight the day when I go to bed...Big green highlighter...highlighting symbolizes my commitment to train...a commitment to my physical health...I love looking back after 60-90 days of training...I look at the highlights and think of the days where I did not feel like getting up but I did...did not feel like running but I did...did not feel like going to my meetings but I did...I look at the calendar and see days that are not highlighted...days where I just couldn't do it...I try to give myself a break. We are not perfect. There are set-backs. Injuries, work, family commitments, mistakes we make....But I look at all the highlighting and all the hard work over that 60-90 days and it all culminates with a race...sometimes a personal best...and it is all worth it...think of the pride and privilege of finishing a 13 or 26 mile race...less than 1% of the population can achieve this feat...look yourself in the mirror...embrace your training schedule...cross off that day of training...be proud of Isaac...You can do it...one day at a time...
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